Thanksgiving Weekend...

It's been good, I am feeling good about myself the last few days. I am going to try to sell stuff for a craft fair on next Sunday and I am very excited about it. I can't wait to see if I can sell stuff. I would really love to sell some! I am making headbands too. I look forward to doing it and I am so thrilled to get my name out there. I took pictures of all my product and am going to make a page for it. I really like having something to do. It really helps having a project to take my mind off everything.

This weekend

So...
I baby sat my nieces this weekend, well, I team sat, my mom assisted in the afternoons. But it was fun! I'm tired, glad their mom is coming home today but I really enjoyed it. And I really think that spending all that time with them helped me feel better. About myself, about where I am in life and what I want to do with my life. They are really awesome kids! The sermon this week was really good too, the pastor talked about letting God bless you where you are, the situation you are in RIGHT NOW and that was neat, that God, the creator of the universe wants to bless me... me!

I know it's still not all better, there are still lots of times that are challenging, but I know that it's going to be OK. And that makes me happy. I'm starting to feel happy again, and that makes me want to cry. Weird huh! I am such a girl. And I can't wait to have my own babies to come home to. I know that is what I am supposed to be, some people are doctors or lawyers, I'm supposed to be a mommy! :) And you know what? I am going to be darn it!

So I don't wanna cry every second of the day anymore, it's about every other day or every two days. People still want to hug me every time they see me. I am sorta dreading thanksgiving for that reason. Though food should be good! I don't look in the mirror any more and feel like I look horrible. That makes me want to cry too. I guess I haven't really felt myself for a long time, I guess I've just accepted it as how it is and it's starting to change. It's good. God is good, even when everything else kinda sucks.

Today... hmm

I feel as though I am such a downer. No one wants to read about someone being sad. Well that's what I am. I sorta feel like I should pretend, put on a happy face and pretend like it's all OK. But it's not OK, I don't feel OK. I feel sad. Like I'm in a fog, like those Claritin commercials before they remove the film. I am sorta in a daze. And, this morning I baby sat and that was challenging, all those children all those mommies.

And I'm tired, weirdly tired, possibly the sudden drop in hormones, my body trying to get back to normal, but I just want to sleep. I am so out of it, I am forgetting my keys, forgetting things, just feeling overall kinda lousy. I look forward to feeling better. Today is a down day.

Food

I'm making cheesecake. Pumpkin Cheesecake, I hope it's yummy!

The pan leaked and melted butter dripped all over the bottom of the oven, thus filling the house with butter smelling smoke. Eww!

Tuesday... That's all, it's tuesday

So, its been a challenging week. I've cried 3 times in the last 3 days, which is kind of a lot. It's less than it was but I thought I was done with crying... guess not. This weekend I got the bill for all the medical stuff, that made me cry, not cause of the money (though it could make someone cry) but because of the reason for the bill. And things keep coming up, like my cousin talking about strollers and the couple with the baby in front of me at church, or talking about moving. It just sucks that something I wanted so bad was taken away. I know the Lord has a plan for it, I just wish it was easier.

So, I  have carpal tunnel, typing doesn't really help the situation, but I have a wrist brace on. You never think about how much you use something till its not there. For instance, how often do you use your wrist, a lot! When you use your keys to open a door, to open a door, to wash your hands, to type, write, open anything really, bottles, jars, etc. To answer the phone, to text, to pick things up, to get dressed, do your hair, make-up and SO many other things, just everyday things! It's amazing really!

Anyway, I sorta feel like I'm falling apart, and it's tiring!